Ugh...

It's a bad sign when every time you stand up, you make the "old man getting out of an armchair" noise. I'm only 20 years old, I should not feel like my body is past its limit. It's like my mind is dragging my body along in its wake. A new muscle hurts every day, on top of the ones that hurt non-stop. My back is so screwed up, my shins are hurting again, my legs are like jelly, my arms are aching. Why? This is dumb. I am not old, I am not out of shape, I am not ready for this. I shouldn't feel like this until I'm like 50 or something. But no. I'm fine mentally, I'm actually passing my classes this week even. But my physical self is putting up a really good fight. Stupid. Now would be a good time to invent body transplants.

Car Rides

I like to road trip. It just fixes things sometimes. Sure, there's traffic, and detours, and rain, and stupid other drivers, and gas prices, and cops, and all that stuff that's annoying about driving lots. But mostly, it's good therapy. You can listen to whatever you want, the same song over and over if it strikes you right. You can sing as loud as you want to whatever part of the music you want. You can scream at other drivers without embarrassment. You can speed or not use your blinkers or go at an inconsistent pace and not worry about getting yelled at by your passenger(s). You can think about whatever you want, avoid thinking about whatever you want. Why is it that no other alone time is ever as effective or enjoyable as when I'm driving? I just like it.
I like to road trip with people, too. Some really great conversations come up in the car. Everything you feel like you can't say in public, or in a place where someone might walk in, or where something might be overheard by somebody walking by can be said. You don't necessarily have to look at the person you're talking to, so you don't have to worry about the whole uncomfortable-eye-contact thing. Stuff gets dealt with that has been avoided or suppressed or delayed, because you've nothing better to do but talk about it. It's a very safe situation in which to deal with stuff.
Cars are a great invention. It is also nice to have somewhere to drive to. And someone to drive with (in one direction at least).

Extra!! Extra!!

So we got our tests back in biochemistry today. I was all worked up for my normal disappointment, because we all love getting those C's back again and again. But she hands me my test, and instead of the 74 I thought would be written there, there was a 91. A 91!!!!! Did you get that:

I GOT AN A ON A CHEMISTRY EXAM!!!

That hasn't happened in over a year, maybe in 2 years. I had almost forgotten how good it feels to not fail. And not just not fail, but actually get a good grade. I don't have to stress about bringing it up, because it's already up!!
Okay, I'm sorry about this post, I just can't say how happy I am that I'm not failing a science class for once in my college career. The only downside, this feels so good that I'm going to have to keep studying this hard to keep on getting grades like this.

Nephew update: He is unbelieveably cute (as always). He does tricks now, they are super funny. He can "praise the Lord" and puts his little hands up in the air. He almost waves bye-bye, but not really at the right times. He can click his tongue and make this hilarious fishy face. He knows the difference between kisses and biting, though he prefers to bite (and man, that kid has some sharp teeth). He says "mamamama," but doesn't understand yet that Julie is his mama. He talks constantly, and looks like he could just get up and walk any minute. So we're just waiting for him to bust out complete sentences and start running around the house without any transition. He's amazing, hands down. I'm really happy I got to go home and see him, because I miss him, and the rest of his family (go sisters!!). The Yankees lost, but it was still fun to hang with Ryan and watch some sports. I don't watch enough sports lately. Good times, even with the rainy travel weather. Yay for breaks, they really should happen more often, I'm much calmer than I've been in a while.

My Jennica took this. 

Pre-Fall Break

Ever see the dying sunshine pouring through the autumn leaves? They all light up like little orange and yellow lamps, bright and happy. A little wind comes along, and they all shimmer in the breeze. One gets loose and floats gracefully down through the sun rays, alighting softly on a bed of its multi-hued brothers. The serenity of the scene is breathtaking. I have no such serenity.

"Life"

Not much in particular to say. Some good stuff going on. Some really really crappy stuff. But that's just the way that life goes, eh? Keep on keepin' on.
I'm getting a little better from my run-in with the infection train last week. Got a viral one and a bacterial one. I'm down to just a really obnoxious cough and a little stuffed nose with the viral issues. And I'm on another week of antibiotics for the bacterial fun. I love it when my whole immune system decides to completely shut down. It's kinda fun to scare the nurses at the Health Clinic, though. I swear she thought I was going to keel over right there.
I missed a lot of class due to my lack of ability to get out of bed last week, but I seem to be okay in my classes. I passed an exam this morning, that always feels good (even in the joke of a class that anatomical kinesiology is turning out to be). I don't feel like I'm drowning, even with the missed classes, which is nice.
I got to talk to my mama today, that was awesome. She's totally sick too, has a kidney infection. The doctor she went to told her she either had nothing, dysentary, or cholera. So either she was spreading an epidemic, or just was a little off. Then they sent her home to collect her own urine sample in a jar of her choosing. Her friend told her it was good they gave her German medicines and Ukrainian, because you should never trust Ukrainian drugs. Not very happy. But she seems to be getting better, and is happy about not having cholera, and was feeling good enough to talk to me today. I miss her.
Dance is good, as always. A couple quotes from profs in the last week (don't think I'm bragging, well...actually I am...)
Steven: "you have the potential to be amazing" (from Steven, that's pretty much the best it gets)
Ray: "you've grown so much as an artist" (he knows art, and he actually seems to have paid attention to all the stuff I've learned, and any compliment from him is like candy to a baby for me)
I ran 1.37 miles today, that felt good. Not as good as 3 feels, but good enough considering that I'm still sick and haven't run in 2 weeks. I'll get it back, hopefully.
Okay, back to existence as I percieve it. A sidenote, everyone should read "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand. It's amazing, really a thinker. And totally worth the 700 pages.

Winter fast approaches

The night is black
Darkness a weight on my shoulders
Every breath like icy shrapnel
Scoring its frozen path down my throat
Suppressed shivers and rigid goosebumps
Pull on every inch of flesh
A single star peeks out from a tear
In the shadow blanket of clouds
An ethereal icicle
Piercing the night’s gloom

Yucky

I am sick. I don't like being sick. Mike thinks it's because I was pushing myself too hard and got tired. I think it's cause so many people all around me are sick. Either way, I don't like it. I spent most of the day today just sitting around, being quiet, reading my book or crocheting. It was nice to have a calm day, that's for sure, I just wish I could have enjoyed it more. I took a really long, really really hot bath, that was nice cause I could actually breathe. I'm drinking so much water it almost hurts to have more, my tummy is all full. Tea just dries me out even more, and I'm really getting tired of apple fun (my housemates went apple picking and came back with 80+ pounds of apples which they then made into a wide assortment of home-made goodies). I just plain don't like being slowed down, is all. Having to deal with myself in a way other than simply throwing myself into everything is really hard. It makes me ache to not do a million things. Ah well, the curse of the busy is to have nothing to do. Back to life tomorrow, sick or not. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow....