I have a problem with friends.
The center of this problem is related to how I make those friends. I cannot handle casual friendships, I just don't do that well. When I find someone who I really like, I essentially throw my whole soul at them. I want to know everything about them, I want to share everything about me with them. The final product is a relationship that is amazingly deep and fulfilling, with real love keeping it together. It gets to the point when I want nothing more than to just hang out with them at all times, even if that turns out to be nothing more than doing our homework in the same room.
Yet something always seems to go wrong. We're human, it happens. But I've fallen in love with this person, throwing my whole self at them, so internalizing the relationship that it matters to me more than imaginable. Whatever the problem may be, it rips me apart. The worst is when one friendship bumps up against another. These two people, both of whom I would die for, are butting heads in one way or another. Both friendships suffer, and my heart is ripped in two.
Why do I put myself so deeply into these people when I know that I'm just waiting to be hurt by them? I wasn't made for the reality of humanity.