Thinking

Tonight, I had the priveledge of joining in the "Creative Worship" time with the older students at the studio I teach at. Every month or so, for about an hour, they gather in the big studio and have free worship-dance time. No given combinations, no assumptions about what you are doing, just time to take a theme or a great song and dance for God. It's probably the best application of the dance training they are recieving, since it's a Christian studio. They aren't just there to learn ballet, in order to get into a great company someday, they are also there to learn about God and how to use their ballet training for Him. This was the first time I got to see these kids dance this way (this is a rather new event at the studio), and it made me think a lot. Some of the bigger points:

These kids are getting to be great little ballerinas. Let them improv, and they pull out every step, every move, every movement they've ever done. They tap into such a wealth of the vocabulary they have been learning. It's impressive to see them making stuff up that's good, not just doing the same arm movement over and over again cause they can't think of anything else to do.

In counterpoint to that, I struggle a lot with "sacred" dancing. There is so much stylistic repetition, so much predictable movement, so much of the same lifting your arms and spinning around. Like God isn't praised by the 10,000 other movements and combinations of movements you can do with your body. And ballet-trained sacred dancers are even worse. They do an arabesque, and because they always think about it in class, they think about how high it is, how long a line, how placed the arms. They can't do a turn without remembering to turn out and spot the mirror. This leads to my next thought.

The "theme" of this thing tonight was truth. That was pretty much the whole lead-in, just Truth. So is dancing the academic and square way you are expected to for an audience really being true to the movement for the sake of worship? I understand that a beautiful arabesque can be a pleasing act of worship to God, but when you are let free to do whatever the Spirit leads you to do, and you bust right into tombe-pas de burre-prepare-pirouette like in the last 150 classes you've taken, is that being truthful to the joy of freedom in moving for God? The need for a technique in dance is a given, you can't just do whatever you want all the time cause you will never looked trained or practiced, but worship should be about unfettered release into the presence of God, not stringing together tricks you've learned.

I was really impressed by some of the kids, regardless of all my struggling thoughts. I have had a personal hand in each one of their lives and training in the last 3 years. They've grown so much, learned so much, improved and matured so much. But did I really have anything to do with that, or did those things just come along naturally in the course of their growing up? Is that leg higher because I helped it get there, is that turn cleaner because I picked at it, is that movement more meaningful because I pushed for that? Or did these amazing kids just grow up while I watched? It was a very odd mixture of pride and the feeling of utter uselessness.

This is only a smattering of the things I thought about during this worship session. I also got some time to ponder if I'm living out the truth I claim to believe, if the simplicity of that truth is reflected in the simple parts of my life, if becoming an adult means I need to know exactly what Truth is inside and out. And I got to pray for my kiddos, who I've worked and prayed for and loved for 3 years, who I have to leave in a month. I'm really glad I got to participate in this, it was quite an hour.

Back

I'm back from my fabulous adventure in Hawaii. Here is a random selection of pictures that I took while there.








This is a pineapple, half grown, at the Dole plantation. They plant, care for, and harvest all the pineapples by hand. This one pricked me, and I had a piece of pineapple spine in my finger for a week. They sure are pretty, though, regardless of their vicious ways.











This one explains itself.















Before our afternoon flight, we took a hike up to this waterfall, through a sweet chunk of jungle and a bamboo forest. I will have Hawaiian dirt on my shoes for a while from that hike, it was rather muddy.


















This is a little spike out into the waters of the Pacific, at a beach locals prefer to the touristy Waikiki (about 4 blocks down). It was a beautiful park, with a great beach.











We went on a sunset cruise (drinks included), and had a wonderful time out on the open water. This was the only really sunny day, so we took full advantage of all the sunlight we could.

Spring Break

In my life, the only "warm" place I've been to is Orlando, FL. And that was in the middle of winter, when "warm" was only about 60 degrees. I have also never been further west of the Mississippi than Minneapolis, MN. This week, I will change all of that. This week, I am going to Hawaii.

Spring break is here, and I actually get to go someplace fun. Hawaii, to visit Michael's sister Lisa. And to enjoy the 80 degree weather. To see the Pacific ocean. To say I've been in the West (if only mostly in airports). To say I've been to a tropical island. To take a vacation. This is going to rock. I promise to take lots of pictures.

That's pretty much it for right now. I'll update with the fun after the trip.
Sidenote: Gorganzola: freakin' me out.

What a weekend

So this weekend marked the beginning of the "this is the last time I'll ever do *blank* at Hope" phase of being a senior. Thankfully I mostly just listened to others go through this, I'm not really big on regretting every moment of something that has to end. But it was still a momentous occasion, my last big concert here.
The show went really well. I somehow bruised a really wierd part of my foot, making everything from simply standing to walking to landing from jumps particularly painful. So I spent most of the week limping around, trying to assure everyone I would be fine once I got onstage, and no I didn't need any ice. I was really stressed all week, being in two pieces provided for a very hectic pre-show. I almost punched some people after I got asked the same question about a hair issue I had already dealt with approximately 12 times. But all the stresses worked out to make a very good show. Everyone seemed to like the pieces I was in (that doesn't always happen), and a suprising number of people came to see me (I expected very few people in the audience for me).
Then today, I went to Chicago for an audition for Giordano Jazz Dance Chicago, a big-name jazz company. It was my first real audition, for a real company, that I actually wanted to get a job from. But 85 girls competing for one possible spot for an understudy isn't great odds. I'm not really sad I didn't get it (or, more like it, I refuse to be dissapointed or discouraged by not getting it). I don't think the company is really my speed. A little too big-name, a little too set. The tall girl leaves, a tall girl comes in, a short girl leaves, etc. That's great, but I wasn't trained to succeed in that kind of situation. So on to the next one, with just a little more experience under my belt.
Moral of this weekend: I refuse to let this show be the last.

Bus

I saw a schoolbus driving by yesterday that said:

Covert Public Schools

I thought that was funny.

Dance 32

This weekend are the performances of my last faculty-choreographed concert here at Hope. This is the big concert of the year, with full-length works, professional lighting, 60 participating dancers, the whole sha-bang. Auditions are held for the whole department, the faculty rarely does re-setting of pieces, so it is an opportunity to be in a new, fresh piece. It's a pretty big deal around the dance department. The shows usually sell out, the stage is big, the costumes are always gorgeous. I love doing it, though it rules my entire life for the start of each spring semester. Rehearsals are endless, and especially grueling considering they are faculty run, and there is only about 5 weeks in which to set a 10-15 minute piece. The experience is always really great, though. I've had the privelege of being in the show all four years, and dancing in every full-time faculty's piece except for Steven (who I worked with in Aerial, so I count that as being in everyone's piece). I've been in funny pieces, in serious pieces, in abstract pieces. I've had a solo/lead, I've been just one of the ensemble. It's been really great.
This is my last year, and with that come a lot of fears and questions. What if this is my last big show? What if this is my last professional-quality work? I know I'm not bad at dancing, but a good job just might not come up while I'm in NY looking for one. I may only dance with little companies for one show at a time, or I may have to be content with a few months as an understudy for something. I may spend my year "dancing" working long hours at the post office just to pay for rent, let alone for dance classes. This all makes me really sad, and really anxious. I want this show to go well so badly that I'm freaking myself out about it. If this is the end, I want to go out with a bang. But so many things can go wrong: a lift gets screwy and I'm dropped onstage, I bruise the bottom of my foot so I can hardly step on it (true story, this is really not cool), my costume totally doesn't fit but no one thinks it's a big deal except for me. I just want this to be good, so I can say that my last real performance was a success. Then maybe I will be satisfied with student works, recital pieces, or the back row of the chorus.

Moral of the story: come see Dance 32 in the DeWitt Theater this weekend

Drama

I wish I could stop this
I wish I could fix this
But it's too cloudy
To see the stars

Anna

Isn't she cutest thing ever? I just want to pick her right out of the picture :)